Is
by just-nikki
Summary: There are all sorts of emotions. Troy is sure he’s felt them all. Mentions of TroyGabriella, TroyRyan. SLASH.


**Is**

There are all sorts of emotions. Troy is sure he's felt them all. Mentions of Troy/Gabriella, Troy/Ryan. SLASH. PG.

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**Troy is happy.**

He's the captain of the basketball team, the co-captain of the golf team, the star of all the musicals, he's got new scholarship offers in the mailbox every day and, he's surrounded by girls constantly, but mostly importantly, he's got _the _girl, _his_ girl.

Yes, Troy believes his life is damn near perfect and there's nothing that could ruin it now.

**Troy is in disbelief. **

Gabriella is walking towards him, looking quite serious.

_Please don't say it, please don't say it_, Troy pleads inwardly.

"Troy… we've got to talk."

_Damn it. _

**Troy is in shock.**

Troy knew they wouldn't be together forever, but he never thought they'd break up because she's been seeing someone else.

Troy hates Jason, he hates Gabriella, and he hates himself more for not realizing what she was up to.

**Troy is depressed. **

"Mr. Bolton, not quite the performance I've come to expect from you," Mrs. Simmons says as she hands him his latest math test.

Tory lets his head fall to his desk. He doesn't care if he fails pre-calculus. What does he need to know the properties of functions for?

Chad hits him in the back of his head with his test. "I got a B, how 'bout you?"

**Troy is apathetic. **

Everything is going wrong. He's not playing well, he can't focus, he can't sleep.

He slacks off, forgets a few meals, and even loses his lead in the fall musical to Ryan Evans. Gabi, of course, beats Sharpay out yet again.

He doesn't care. Who really likes West Side Story, anyway?

He's glad Ryan dies at the end.

**Troy is …**

"Troy, man, what's up with you? I know you and Gabriella were serious, but, come on! You've got to move on. And, you look terrible."

"Thanks Chad. I knew I could count on you to say the right thing. I feel much better now."

"Sorry I'm not a girl. Should I ask you about your feelings? Would that help?"

Troy just gives him a 'look' and walks away. He wouldn't have known how to answer, anyway.

**Troy is confused.**

He's pretty sure Ryan is hitting on him and he's not sure what to do about it. He and Ryan are pretty good friends, even though Troy silently cheered during his death scene.

It wasn't personal, he reasons, but he feels kind of bad about it now.

But Troy and Ryan are friends and Troy doesn't want to ruin their friendship.

**Troy is conflicted. **

Troy is not sure what's wrong with him. When Ryan walks into homeroom, he looks up and smiles at him. Not the fake, 'please don't ask me how I am' smile he reserves for Chad (who really does mean well), but a genuine, 'I'm glad to see you' smile.

Ryan winks his reply and Troy feels his neck flush and he looks away, wondering when the room got so hot.

He knows what this means, but he's not going to admit it. He likes girls, he likes Gabriella.

But, still, every time Ryan winks, Gabriella becomes more and more a part of the past.

**Troy is well enough.**

"Better," Mrs. Simmons says as she places his test on his desk. A C isn't the end of the world, but it certainly won't help him raise his grade.

"Man, I bombed this test," Chad mutters behind Troy.

Troy feels a little better.

Troy looks to his left and sees Ryan's A. He rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Want some help?" Ryan offers.

**Troy is nervous.**

"So, all you have to do is make a chart using t, x, and y and then set your calculator to parametric and- Are you listening? Troy?"

Troy looks up. "Oh, yeah, parametric. Got it."

Ryan shakes his head and goes back to the problem. Troy watches him intently, without ever hearing a word he's saying. He watches Ryan's hand write neatly on the paper. He watches Ryan's eyes as he looks to see if Troy is paying attention. He watches Ryan's lips as he playfully berates him for his short attention span.

He watches Ryan realize he is the object of Troy's attention.

Ryan smiles, but says nothing. Troy's heart thumps painfully hard in his chest and he is sure he's about to have a heart attack.

'Kiss him!' says a little voice in the back of his head. He ignores it. He needs to pass pre-cal.

**Troy is infatuated. **

But he won't admit it.

It's normal to want to kiss your best friend every time you see him.

It's normal to dream about him every night and then wake up panting and sweaty.

It's normal to get a little rush every time your hands touch accidentally.

It's all totally normal. Really, it is.

Troy is not completely convinced.

**Troy is apprehensive.**

"Ryan…"

"Huh?"

He looks really adorable right now, his hair mussed, and a pencil behind his ear. He's looking expectant, waiting.

"I… I don't understand number 21."

Ryan smiles, but his eyes are disappointed. "It's really easy, actually, all you have to do is…"

Troy's not listening. He wishes he weren't such a coward. He wishes he could just say it.

That night, once he's home, Troy looks into his mirror.

"Ryan, I love you."

It's much easier when no one is around.

**Troy is confident.**

He's positive he aced the test. Mrs. Simmons is passing them back now and his palms are sweaty, partially because he needs this to pass, and partially because Ryan just gave him an encouraging smile.

Mrs. Simmons places his test on his desk, face down. She smiles at him and Troy remembers to breathe.

"Well?" Ryan asks. "Aren't you going to look at it?"

Troy nods and slowly turns it over. He pushes it towards Ryan. "What's it say?"

"No worries, it's an A but your class grade is-"

"Wait, my _what_?"

"Class grade. It's midterms, Troy. She put our percentage on the top of our tests."

"Shit."

"It's a C. But that's not too bad-"

"A C?!"

"You should stop interrupting. It's kind of ru-"

"I'm not failing?!"

Ryan rolls his eyes. "No, Troy, you're not failing."

**Troy is sure. Sort of.**

"Hey… Ryan…"

"Hi Troy," Ryan says slowly. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no, why would you say that?" Troy asked trying to sound innocuous.

"Because you're standing at my locker looking like you're about to walk to your death."

"Oh, uh, right. Um, yeah, so I was kind of wondering if maybe you'd like to, um, you know, maybe, like, uh, well…"

Ryan looked amused. "You're not making any sense, Troy."

Troy chuckled nervously. "Well, what I was trying to say was, um… I don't know how to say this."

"That is becoming more and more apparent."

"What are you doing Friday?" Troy blurted, suddenly red.

Ryan smiled. "Nothing."

**Troy is nervous, excited, anxious, worried, and restless.**

Troy is not going to make it through the night alive. He just knows it.

There are movies by the TV.

Snacks on the coffee table.

He's showered.

He's freaking out.

Ryan's going to be here. In his house. On a date. Troy feels sick.

The doorbell is ringing and Troy's feet are moving. He's letting Ryan in, and they're talking. What is he saying? Ryan is smiling, so Troy knows it can't be too bad.

He shakes his head. His hands are clammy and he can't see straight. He smiles back and feels a little better. He and Ryan go into the living room and start a movie.

It's awful. It's seriously the worst movie Troy has ever seen.

He and Ryan are rolling with laughter. He locks eyes with Ryan and suddenly they aren't laughing anymore. He isn't sure who moved in first, but there's a clash of teeth and lips and, hands in his hair and on his shoulders, and, god, Troy is sure he's never felt this good before.

"Ryan, I love you."

Ryan just smiles and kisses him again.

**Troy is happy.**

He's the captain of the basketball team, the co-captain of the golf team, the star of all the musicals, he's got new scholarship offers in the mailbox every day, he's surrounded by girls constantly, but mostly importantly, he's got Ryan.

Yes, Troy is happy.


End file.
